Anxiety

30 women all around my age. How much will 30 women eat? Will they even eat the salad? How many heads of lettuce should I get? She said to get 6 bags of salad...but those bags are iceberg lettuce, I hate iceberg lettuce. I'll just make the salad and get some romaine and green leaf lettuce, much better. Oh but I need to get carrots and cucumber and broccoli and celery and green onion... How many heads of lettuce? 4? I guess so. Why did I volunteer to do food??!! I hate preparing food for people. I always watch their faces when they take a bite and read into every blink, glance and mouth wipe. They hate it...they want to puke...ahhh....why did I offer to do this, I always regret it.

All of the vegetables cost 10 bucks, wow, what a steal, now to just wash and chop them all. Ok this is taking much longer than I thought and I am hurrying so it looks crappy...dangit! It took me 3 hours to cut all those vegetables and it looks terrible, I may accidentally forget the salad...oops...I'll just go buy the bags real quick. I hate wasting money more than preparing food for people so that won't work. Dammit! I forgot the salad dressing....wait church functions aren't supposed to make me swear...ahh...now I feel terrible. I need salad dressing. I'll just stop at Henry's on the way there. Of course, Henry's doesn't have any normal dressing, it is all organic and free of things and very expensive. What do I get?! I'm late! Why do I put things off like this?! I'll just get this, I heard people saying they loved it once.

Ok, I finally made it. Oh no! People are actually here. 30 women...I should not be nervous, these are my peers. I should feel comfortable with them, they are all in their pajamas and I am in mine at this fun sleep-over themed get-to-know-you social event....nothing in that sentence comforts me, though...absolutely nothing. Get-to-know-who? I already know these people and I know none of them like me so why am I here. Oh, I planned it...that's why...shoot. Maybe I could go in the kitchen and wash dishes. Perfect! Oh there are only a few platters to wash, that will only take a few minutes. Eat! Everyone else is eating. It is just pizza, everyone likes Papa John's Pizza, phew! But the salad and the dressing...someone just poked around in the salad and then put the tongs backs...opting out I see... that's ok...I understand. The next girl with her nose in the air takes a little salad and then picks up the dressing, reads the title, scoffs and then turns it around to read the ingredients and then puts it down...then picks the next bottle...oh, same stuff...turns to her friend, there is only one type of dressing, she says with disgust. The girl replies with a humph...they turn up their noses and walk back to their seats. Uuuuggghhh..... Oh man, I should have gotten the ranch even though it was 6 bucks. Oh geez. This is the worst. I made way too much salad...what was I thinking? I am so retarded when it comes to these things, why do I try? Ok just forget about it and get some and sit down and eat. The pizza is good and so is the salad, but I made it so, of course, I think it is good.

My turn to introduce myself...Oh gosh...I think I am going to puke, my throat is so dry...what will I say...oh that was a stupid thing to say...everyone is looking at me, just look down, no one cares, just stop talking. Ok...done. Glad that is over. But what did I say? Something stupid no doubt. Now onto the games...I think I better go clean up...oops I didn't put my name in the bowl...too bad. Not really.

Good thing I won't have to plan another one of these for a while.....I hope I get released soon.